Bad New Bats
You’ve most likely heard the bad news by now
The bozo’s in Hollywood have cast Ben Affleck as the next Batman.
Though this news may not bother a lot of people – it bothers me, in fact it’s damn near equivalent to a well placed kick in the nuts.
You see, growing up I was a huge fan off all things comic book related.
To this day I still boast about being one of the first kids to discover the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles before they went all pop-culture
My love for comic book culture is one of the many reasons why the Ben Affleck announcement erks me so much
If you don’t know who Ben Affleck is… let me tell you
He is a Hollywood actor, best known for two things;
- A leading role in the movie deemed of all time – “Gigli”
- A brief stint as Jennifer Lopez’s love interest after she divorced herself from P-diddy and all things hood
Affleck rose to prominence during the mid-nineties while playing alongside Matt Damon in the critically acclaimed film Good Will Hunting.
Though I’m not a fan of his work, I must admit ever once in a while he shows signs of competence in his acting
With that said I am dedicating today’s post to the top three reasons Ben Affleck isn’t worthy of donning the cowl to play Batman
Reason #1 – He doesn’t have The Batman build
Admittedly this may sound a tad bit haterish but I don’t give a shit.
Anyone who has ever picked up a copy of a Batman comic knows that the Dark Knight is built like a brick-shit house
Ever since The Dark Knight made his first appearance in 1939, he has been portrayed as a physically imposing figure. Notable artists like Jim Lee and Frank Miller have drawn Batman with the X-framed body common to most superhero characters.
As far back as I can remember Batman has been depicted with broad shoulders, a tight waist and powerful athletic quads and you know what?
That made sense
Batman is one of few mortal hero’s who thwarts criminals using his physicality, ingenuity and intellect. For him to be adept at keeping Gothamites safe, one would assume that he would be built a certain way.
If I were to ascribe an athletic body-type to a real life Batman I would assume he would look like an Olympic level Gymnast or a lean, muscular, weightlifter
Affleck isn’t built like this, he’s naturally lean and lithe.
A guy with his frame is going to have to do a ton if high volume, high density training to bring about the morphological changes needed to assume the role of The Batman
Hopefully he hires a Hollywood trainer with the proper skill set to put together a program like this
If not, he will most likely jump on the pharmaceuticals (a disturbingly popular trend amongst Hollywood’s leading men) I assume that may give him a fighting chance to pack on the size necessary to portray a menacing Dark Knight
Reason #2 – “Daredevil”
The second reason Affleck should NOT have been cast to play Batman is because his track record with superhero movies has been shit.
A few years ago Affleck was cast to play Daredevil in the movie adaptation of the comic. The poorly written script and mediocre acting resulted in a movie panned by critics
Though it’s been some years since he played the Daredevil role, I wonder whether he will be able to shed the stigma attached to it. If he can’t the upcoming installment of Batman is bound to fail
Reason #3 – He isn’t Brooding Enough
If there is one thing word which characterizes the Batman, it’s “brooding”
Save the two awful years Batman was played by Adam West -The Batman has always been depicted as a troubled man with a dark past
Historically it’s taken great actors to pull roles like this off.
Brando nailed brooding it in a Streetcar Named Desire, Deniro captured it in Taxi Driver and Bale even got it right in the Dark Knight Rises (save that stupid growl voice)
When I think back to Affleck’s cringe-worthy performance as a man torn between love and duty in Armageddon – the doubts quickly start to creep in
These are just three of the reasons I feel as if Affleck is the wrong choice to bring the Batman role to life over the next few installments of the franchise
But who knows, I might be wrong
maybe he will surprise me… maybe he will surprise us all. One thing is for certain, the future of The Batman franchise is in his hands – let’s hope he doesn’t disappoint.
For a step-by-step program to turn you into your own version of the caped crusader – you know, minus the trauma induced by witnessing your parents being murdered and the subsequent psychopath tendencies…
Check out John Romaniello’s Super Hero workout below